All Your Fault
by RizaMustang24
Summary: It's almost the end of the school year and Haruhi wonders who she likes more, Hikaru or Tamaki... or Kaoru? But do Kaoru and Hikaru have something going on themselves? Used to be a oneshot
1. How Do I Feel About You?

**Note: Heya guys! I just decided to take a break from my twins story and I wrote this oneshot... you know what? If I get some nice reviews on this I might make it into a story. I dunno, I just thought I needed more Haruhi in a story and her not to be such a bad guy like my current one. Sorry for rambling.**

**I do not own Ouran High School Host Club. (but hell, I wish I did!)**

Haruhi sat thinking as she sighed in despair.

"The school year's almost over and I still can't decide who I like more, Tamaki-senpai or Hikaru," Haruhi moaned.

Tamaki and Hikaru glared at eachother angrily as they awaited in the bush; they continued eavesdropping quietly none-the-less.

"You like Hikaru?" Kaoru asked as he walked up and sat next to Haruhi. She blushed and shook her head.

"D-did I say that?" Haruhi stumbled in her words.

"Mmhmm, you also said you like our lord," Kaoru added. He looked up heavenward and sighed. "So you like Hikaru?"

"No, I don't," Haruhi whispered, staring at Kaoru's face. "Honestly."

"You've never been a good liar, Haruhi," Kaoru scolded as his gaze fell onto her again. "Never ever."

Haruhi turned away and blushed. Somehow this always happened, she knew she liked Hikaru as more than a friend but Kaoru was something different. He thumbled her insides and she couldn't figure out if she just wanted to be his "friend" or "more than a friend." She suddenly felt a hand wrap around her and pull her close and she felt Kaoru's chest moved up and down in a deep and thought-out sigh. The fingers of Kaoru's hand stroked her arm and Haruhi closed her eyes.

"Yeah, I like Hikaru," Haruhi finally admitted, closing her eyes. "I just can't lie to you."

"Take good care of him," Kaoru whispered as he released her and stood up.

"What? What was that supposed to mean?" Haruhi asked defensively, her blush gone.

"Nothing, just take good care of him."

"Are you going somewhere?"

Kaoru laughed loudly and dryly, but didn't look at her. "Yeah, I'll be going somewhere for awhile."

"Can I at least talk to you while you're gone? I need someone to talk to you, and I can come clean with you the easiest."

Kaoru stopped and felt sick to his stomach. _"Can I at least talk to you while you're gone?" _Her words still rang throughout his mind.

"No," Kaoru finally answered and began walking away. "You can't."

"What? Why not?" Haruhi almost cried. "Kaoru, where are you going?"

"Just don't follow," Kaoru scowled.

"Maybe I will!" Haruhi threatened.

"No!" Kaoru finally shouted at her, turning around and gazing hatefully into her eyes. "You won't! You can't and you wouldn't even if I wanted you to!"

"You don't want me to come with you?" Haruhi sounded hurt.

Kaoru sighed and looked away again. "No, Haruhi. You don't..."

"What? What don't I?"

"You don't deserve it," Kaoru whispered. "Where I'm going? People like you shouldn't be there, it's just not right."

"You're giving me this damn rich speech again?" Haruhi shouted at Kaoru. Kaoru laughed and shook his head, refusing to look at her. "Then what is it?"

"It's not a good place, Haruhi."

"Then why are you going?"

Kaoru trembled and he knew he had to get out of there. Finally he dashed away and ran and ran, he even continued running when his lungs were yelling, "Stop! I can't get anymore air! You're killing me!"

Kaoru fell face first when his legs gave out on him, too. He held his stomach with one hand while his knees and other hand kept his face from coliding with the ground. He hacked and coughed as his lungs scraped for air and weren't finding any, for Kaoru wasn't breathing slow enough for any to come in. Kaoru's face became flushed and tears ran down it and he let out whining noises in between his desperate gasps for air. He looked back up at the sky and closed his eyes.

"No..." Kaoru breathed out. "Where... I'm... going... you don't... deserve it... you... deserve... better..."

Kaoru collapsed onto the grassy terrain and went unconcious, unaware of even where he was.

"Kaoru!" The three shouted as they came upon Kaoru's struggling body.

"You idiot!" Hikaru scowled as he picked up Kaoru lightly and held him like you would your wife or your child. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Tamaki and Hikaru had came clean when Kaoru ran off and told Haruhi that they'd been eavesdropping on her for quite some time now. She was going to yell at them but remembered Kaoru. Then they all ran off towards where he dissapeared to and now found him struggling to breath on the ground. Hikaru nuzzled Kaoru's face with his own.

"Don't worry," Hikaru cried lightly. "I'll take care of you."

Haruhi looked at Kaoru's face and began to cry herself.

"What did he mean?" Haruhi sobbed. "Where is he going, Hikaru?"

Hikaru remained quiet.

"Well? You know don't you?" Haruhi cried a little harder. "Where is he going that we can't go to?"

"I think I know," Tamaki admitted. "and we _can_ go, Kaoru just doesn't want us to."

"Where?" Haruhi and Hikaru both questioned.

"Nevermind," Tamaki whispered and he caressed Kaoru's face with two fingers. "Just don't ever let him out of your sight."

"Will do," Hikaru replied. "I never plan on it."

Hikaru sobbed and held Kaoru close and he choked and added, "I never _planned_ on it."

"I'm so sorry, this was all my fault," Haruhi sobbed and held her face against Kaoru's chest and sobbed. Hikaru managed to get a hand onto Haruhi's back and Tamaki placed his on top of Hikaru's and he stroked Haruhi's back and Hikaru's hand. "I'm so sorry!"

Hikaru laughed, "You're acting like he's dying."

Tamaki cringed and pulled his hand away and he looked away. No one noticed that Kaoru had been concious for a couple minutes now, and he watched how Hikaru stroked Haruhi's back. How he loved her so dearly. If Kaoru wasn't struggling with breathing he'd be struggling because he would've been suffocated by tears. Kaoru only had a deep desire to hurt Hikaru, to make him realize what he'd done before he left. Kaoru loved Hikaru, sure. Kaoru loved Haruhi, too. They didn't deserve his love.

Or rather, Kaoru didn't deserve to love them.

"Do... you like me?" Haruhi asked as she gazed into Hikaru's eyes. "As more than a friend?"

Hikaru's eyes kept shifting as he searched Haruhi's for some answer, like it would be written on her pupils or something. His mouth opened slightly but he closed it again. Tamaki sighed and finally broke the silence, "I like you, Haruhi."

Haruhi smiled and laughed slightly.

"I-" Hikaru tried to answer but he stopped and shook his head and stood up, holding Kaoru close to his chest. "I can't answer you on that right now. Kaoru's more important right now."

Hikaru walked off with Kaoru, leaving Haruhi and Tamaki alone. Haruhi smiled and laughed a bit as a tear ran down her cheek; Tamaki wiped her tear away. Haruhi whispered, "Kaoru's always more important than me."

"They're just discovering the world Haruhi, taking Hikaru away like this is harsh and cruel; I've noticed the effects in Kaoru," Tamaki replied, seriously.

"The effects?" Haruhi wondered.

"The effects," Tamaki responded quietly. "Kaoru doesn't talk as much; he smiles _too_ much. Kaoru's slowly getting thinier and more delicate, taking Hikaru away from him is throwing his balance all off of course. I talked to him about it once, a long time ago. He said he wanted to break away from Hikaru; he _needed_ to break away from Hikaru? I can't remember which it was."

"This is all my fault?" Haruhi thought out loud. "That means I was right when I said that it was my fault? But I-"

"I know you never meant to do any harm to him," Tamaki replied quietly. "but you did a tremendous ammount just by that. Just by caring, you hurt him deeply."

"But-"

"Let's go."

Tamaki grasped Haruhi's hand and pulled her off with him towards the area which Hikaru and Kaoru dissapeared to.

"What are you saying?" They heard Hikaru whisper. They finally came into view of the twins and stopped. Kaoru was lain out on the grass, with his hand on his stomach and he was gazing at the kneeling Hikaru next to him. "What are you trying to say to me?"

"What's with the acting?" Kaoru whispered, their voices a little easier to hear now that they were closer.

"What are you trying to say to me?"

"You're horrible," Kaoru finally sobbed. "You're a horrible person, a horrible brother."

"Wha-?"

"Don't pretend!" Kaoru spat, angrily. "I'm sick of that! You acting like you never did _anything_ wrong!"

"What did I do?" Hikaru sobbed, laying his head on Kaoru's chest. His body trembled and everyone knew he was sobbing; something Hikaru would never normally do.

"You know what you did," Kaoru cried. Their sobs matched the others and just hearing that unity made them cry harder. "You know what you did."

"I don't!" Hikaru cried deeper. "That's what's wrong! I don't know what I did!"

"You're horrible for that too, not even realizing my problems when our sempais were well aware of it. You're my twin! You can't even see what they can?" Kaoru snapped, the sobs evident in his anger.

"Don't leave me," Hikaru sobbed. "Please, don't leave me."

Kaoru's dry laugh was heard again, but this time it was mixed with the crying and tears. It made Haruhi feel kind of sick, to see this entertainment in all this sorrow. He finally replied, "I've been planning on leaving for a long time now. I always have. I wanted you to know something before I left however..."

"What?" Hikaru picked his head up a little and gazed at his brother.

"I love you," Kaoru sobbed a little deeper.

"I love you, too," Hikaru replied, confused. "I've always known you loved me."

"You don't get it," Kaoru laughed again. "I... I..."

Hikaru shook his head. "I don't get it."

"I _love_ you, Hikaru," Kaoru replied a little quieter. His breathing evened out and he seemed to be falling asleep.

Hikaru seemed confused; he shook his head again. He whispered, "We've always loved-"

"More than that," Kaoru cried lightly. "I know you'll never love me back. That's just why I wanted you to know before I left."

"What?"

"I love you, Hikaru," Kaoru whispered again. "I've always wanted to tell you."

Hikaru smiled and sat up and picked Kaoru up again. "Then we're going home now, okay?"

"You don't get it-"

"I do, and we're going home."

Hikaru smiled and kissed Kaoru's forehead. "You're right, I can't love you like _that_, but I still love you a lot, none-the-less."

"Hikaru," Kaoru whispered and blushed. "Could you, do something for me?"

"Anything," Hikaru answered truthfully.

"Could you, kiss me?" Kaoru's face was tremendously red now.

Hikaru smiled and whispered again, "Anything." He layed his lips onto Kaoru's and they stood there for a while, and Hikaru's face became red itself. They broke off the kiss and Hikaru dropped Kaoru onto the ground and Kaoru groaned at the impact.

"What the hell?" Kaoru scowled.

Hikaru covered his mouth and backed away and fell down himself.

"What happened there?" Kaoru growled. "The realization that I was a man and you're little twin brother?"

Hikaru shook his head vigorously and he closed his eyes and kept shaking his head.

Tamaki laughed a little next to Haruhi.

"What's wrong with Hikaru?" Haruhi wondered worridly.

Tamaki laughed and smiled to her, "Oh, nothing."

He looked back at the two and laughed again, "Nothing at _all_."

Haruhi smiled and looked at the twins and then at Tamaki and she closed her eyes and sighed.

"I still have another year to decide," She whispered.


	2. All Your Fault

**Note: Sorry, I was bored and added onto my story. Guess it's not such a one-shot anymore, huh? xD**

Hikaru lay with Kaoru, their fingers entwined. The coolness of the bed sheets freezed the twins even more, except for their hands, which were touching the other person. Hikaru smiled at Kaoru's face and how his hair ruffled when lain flat against the bed sheets. Hikaru moved his leg, to make sure he was still real.

"What are you doing, now?" Kaoru whispered, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Silly boy."

"You should know," Hikaru meant to joke back, but by the expression Kaoru took on, he knew it was taken the wrong way. "Well, you should."

That didn't help. Kaoru turned over and faced their closet, tears tugging at his eyes. He refused to let them win; he refused to cry infront of anyone.

Hikaru huffed and wrapped his arm around Kaoru; he was secretly searching for warmth once the younger boy's hand left his. Hikaru brought his lips to Kaoru's ear and breathed on him, making Kaoru tremble if not for a moment.

"Stop it," Kaoru said, a cry barely audible under his tone. "Just stop it."

"No," Hikaru replied, a little annoyed that his brother refused.

Hikaru knew that Kaoru was _infatuated _with him, yet when Hikaru decided to _play_ with Kaoru, he took it the wrong way.

_"Just because I'm sensitive to you, you try to bug me. I don't like it, stop," _Kaoru had yelled at Hikaru the night before. Hikaru closed his eyes and wondered, if their parents had been home more, would Kaoru have not turned out this way?

Hikaru had denied to liking Kaoru a million times before, but now he began to question his answers. _"I don't like Kaoru like that." "We're just brothers." "That's just gross." _Did Hikaru really see it that way? If he did, then why did he tug at his little brother's patience even when he snapped at him for _playing around_?

"Maybe I'm attracted to you?" Hikaru wondered out loud.

"_Knock it off!_" Kaoru snapped as he pushed Hikaru away and he faced his older brother, still holding back tears. "I hate that, don't play with my emotions!"

"Maybe I'm not playing with yours," Hikaru teased. "Maybe I'm playing with my own?"

Kaoru lowered his head and looked away.

"Don't even pretend," Kaoru scowled. "Don't even pretend that you feel the same way. That's cruel, it's evil, it's-it's-"

_"Just what you want?"_ Hikaru wanted to say but didn't.

Instead, Hikaru scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Kaoru and pulled him close, feeling that their breathing rate was different and so was their heart beat. A tear formed at Hikaru's eye and he sighed and rested his head on Kaoru's. Kaoru's body was trembling, like he was having spasms or something. Hikaru finally scolded, "If you need to cry, then cry."

Kaoru shook his head and pulled away lightly and sat infront of Hikaru, refusing to look at his face. Hikaru scolded himself under his breath and tried to pull Kaoru close again. Kaoru shook his head again and he refused to budge. Hikaru could almost imagine how Kaoru was feeling. Angry for thinking that Hikaru was just playing; confused at how Hikaru treated him. Hikaru thought about it and realized he was confused himself. How did he feel? Angry that Kaoru wouldn't give in? But why would Hikaru be angry that his brother wouldn't _play_ with him when Hikaru didn't even like Kaoru like that? Hikaru liked him as a brother.

Right?

* * *

The boys sat with their parents, sighing and groaning.

For some odd reason, Hikaru couldn't keep his eyes off of Kaoru.

_What's wrong with me? _Hikaru thought. _Why did I get so freaked out about that experimental kiss we shared last week? Kaoru just asked for it so I gave it to him, simple as that. So why did I freak out like that? School's out now, but I still can't think straight. Maybe school was better, it kept my mind off of things._

"Hikaru and Kaoru," Mrs. Hitachiin's voice sounded loudly as she sat on the couch opposite to the one the twins were on. "We're here for two reasons right now, do you have a clue of what they're both on?"

"The way I can't keep my hands off of Kaoru?" Hikaru thought of saying. He shook his head and replied, "The family business?"

Mr. and Mrs. Hitachiin looked shocked, and when Hikaru looked at Kaoru, he noticed Kaoru's emotions were mixed with annoyance and shock themselves. Hikaru looked back at his parents and they nodded.

"This summer, we're going to work on it. This brings us to reason number two, we've heard that you two have been _bugging _eachother a lot lately," Mrs. Hitachiin replied, she seemed to be hiding something from the twins. "So Kaoru's coming with me this summer to work on fashion while you are going with your father to learn about electronics."

"What?" Hikaru questioned out loud. "_Bugging_ eachother? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It's his fault," Kaoru spoke out, then he stood up and walked out of the room and left the house.

_**Bugging**__ him? What's that mean? The way I can't not touch him? _Hikaru wondered. _Then this is all my fault._

The parents sighed and held the others hands. Hikaru noticed it and he felt like crying again.

_I wish Kaoru was here again, like he used to be, when I could bug him. When our feelings didn't matter._

* * *

Kaoru stood with his mother, she was saying goodbye to Hikaru. Kaoru refused to look at Hikaru, he gave off an aura of severe anger.

_"I hate you," _Hikaru was afraid Kaoru would say.

Hikaru walked over and gave Kaoru a hug, and Kaoru had to try his best not to break down and cry.

"I-I'll miss you," Hikaru finally admitted.

"No you won't," Kaoru tried not to cry. "You won't. You-"

"I will," Hikaru objected and gave Kaoru a squeeze. "I _really_ will miss you."

Kaoru trembled again and Hikaru asked if they could be alone. They shared a gaze and finally nodded and left Hikaru alone with Kaoru, still in their embrace.

"Hikaru?" Kaoru choked.

"Yes?" Hikaru whispered into Kaoru's ear. Kaoru finally broke down.

"Have you really just been playing with me? Because it hurts," Kaoru sobbed deeper and deeper and nuzzled his head into Hikaru's shoulder. "It really hurts."

"I love you, Kaoru," Hikaru finally admitted.

Kaoru's eyes widened and he tried to hug Hikaru tighter but Hikaru let go and walked away.

"I wanted to tell you that before you left," Hikaru replied as he walked away. "See you this fall."

* * *

Kaoru sent many letters to Hikaru. So many, that Kaoru wasn't sure if Hikaru got any when he'd gotten no replies.

But Hikaru got them; he got every last one of them.

Finally, Kaoru got a letter back.

_Dear Kaoru,_

_I'm touched that you care enough to send these millions of letters, but please stop. I meant what I've said and I've thought about it. I really do love you as more than a brother._

_That's why I ask you to stop sending letters, I can't take anymore of it. I'm sure you can't take writing anymore either. I love you Kaoru, but we just can't be together._

_Lots of Love,_

_Hikaru Hitachiin_

_P.S. Tell Haruhi I think I love her._

Kaoru had smiled and closed his eyes and cried for long hours after that. His mother couldn't calm him no matter how hard she tried. She asked him what was wrong after three hours of trying to soothe him in his crying spasms.

"I love him, mommy," Kaoru finally answered, sobbing deeply. "And he loves Haruhi!"

His mother pulled him close and stroked his hair, holding him in a hug. Kaoru cried to her for more long and unbearable hours.

* * *

Kaoru reread the letter he'd written back. A letter he'd never send.

_Dear Hikaru, or anyone who ever reads this,_

_I'm touched that you love me enough to send me one measly letter. I'm touched that you'd even think of me while you're off learning about electronics. Well, now you have a choice, you can take after dad or mom. Because I choose neither. I don't want any of this. I love you and you love Haruhi. I can't take that, because I've noticed that she looks at me, too. She looks at Tamaki, too. In the end, she's just going to break your heart because you'll find out that you're not the only person she's loved._

_Everything I've ever owned, is still yours Hikaru. My heart is still yours, and my soul is still yours._

_I'm so Sorry,_

_Kaoru Hitachiin_

Kaoru smiled as he realized he liked his letter. He loved his letter, and on the front of the folded paper he wrote large and elegantly the name of the one he loved. He cried over it and finally laid it on his desk. He walked over to the pill bottle he'd smuggled from his mom when she wasn't looking. He opened it and swallowed the whole dosage.

"I'm such an idiot," Kaoru cried and laughed as he realized he didn't want to die. He lay on his bed, his muscles and organs barely functioning. "I'm so sorry, Hikaru."

Kaoru rolled over and stared out the window.

"I don't want to die until I know he loves me."

Kaoru sobbed and closed his eyes.

"Why? Why did I do that?" Kaoru sobbed to himself. Some sense finally hit him. "MOMMY!"

Kaoru thrashed and tried to sit up, his muscles feeling like they've collapsed.

"MOMMY!" Kaoru cried. "MOMMY!"

Mrs. Hitachiin burst through the door and stared at her sobbing son who couldn't even move.

"Mommy," Kaoru sobbed pitifully. "Mommy, mommy."

She dashed over and looked him over.

"What's wrong?" She finally sobbed herself.

"Mommy" Kaoru cried again.

"I don't know how to help if I don't know what's wrong!"

"Mommy," Kaoru closed his eyes and whined and cried. His mother's eyes finally wandered to the pill bottle and she shot up and carried Kaoru off with her.

"Thank god there's a hospital across the street," She scowled. "Thank god I thought we might somehow need it."

"M..." Kaoru tried to whisper.

"What's wrong?" His mother asked as the door to the hospital opened.

"Mommy," Kaoru whispered again.

"What?" She cried as she ran and looked for a nurse.

"Don't let me go," Kaoru tried to cry. "I don't want to die."

* * *

Hikaru smiled and read over Kaoru's newest letter.

"'I don't want to die,'" Hikaru read out loud. He laughed and showed the letter that Kaoru and their mom had written together. "Can I go see him, dad?"

He laughed and shook his head.

"No, you can go be with him, it was our fault for trying to pull you two apart," Their dad laughed. "In fact, Kaoru will probably live if his twin brother is right by his side."

"He's going to live anyway!" Hikaru snapped defensively. Hikaru blushed and looked away.

He smiled and thought of his loving brother's face, in pain.

"I don't want to die," Hikaru agreed, nodding his head as he stared out the window of the limousine at the hospital. He opened the door before the limo had even decreased speed to ten miles per hour. "Kaoru!"

Hikaru ran past all the nurses and dashed into Kaoru's room and collapsed next to him and held his hand.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru gasped.

"H-how did you find me?" Kaoru wondered curiously.

Hikaru smiled and thought of their twinly bond. "A little birdy told me."

Kaoru laughed and grinned largely at his brother even though they both knew it was hurting like hell.

"You know what, Hikaru?"

Their father and mother were now hugging eachother and stared at the twins while they still hugged. The escort nurse watched the twins curiously as well.

"What is it, Kaoru?"

"This-this-"

"Yes?"

Kaoru smiled maliciously and mouthed, "This is all your fault."


End file.
